Blessings from Cancer

 

(throwback from many Halloweens ago - I think I'm a witch, lol)

Blessings from Cancer 

Two years ago, when I started this Blog, the title was inspired by God. It is what I felt lead to call this. I felt that my storm (cancer) was temporary and there were blessings to be found in the path of the unwanted storm.

Fast forward two years and I am at the first step of another huge mountain, another storm, another “possible” dance with Cancer. I will know soon enough if what the doctor thinks he sees is what he sees, or if its just a blip and nothing to it. I’ve yet to receive any real long positive news from the doctors since day one. So, my hope is not in them, but in my Lord and Savior, Jesus.

I had such a pity party for myself last week after talking to the doctor. I thought well this is it. This is how it ends. And it may just be the beginning of my end here on earth, but I forgot about the blessings, after all that is what God told me to call this blog. I had failed him yet again. Again, and again I wallowed in fear, anger, and doubt. Then I heard a podcast yesterday that OPENED my ears and eyes. I truly had failed, but not God, I had failed myself. God said from day one, I got you.  And I chose to live two years with a lot of fear and at least a handful of doubt.

You know, I know there are a lot of Christians we can name that were healed and remained on this earth for a long time (God healed them hear, and maybe that’s because they still have a purpose) and then there are the same number, if not more, that were healed upon death in heaven. This is all by God’s design, his will. If my purpose has been fulfilled, God will call me home. If not, then I will walk these seasons of storms, brief reprise, storm, brief reprise until I am done. My only job here, is to hold on tight to what I believe, walk in my faith, and love with my whole heart until it stops beating. That is it.

I am a nerd, and my Lord knows how my brain works, he knows that I am like “doubting Thomas”, I require research and knowledge. I have spent the better part of a week, listening to people that have had “near death experiences” or “encounters with God”. The spectrum of thought and understanding is vast, and it would be hard to take one experience as the “truth” over the next. I have read and re-read the bible and have tried to find what God says about death. Truth is, it is the one mystery we cannot know here on earth. We can speculate, we can try to find “between the line meanings” in scripture. But I am choosing to only see it from some of the last words spoken by Christ my King. On the Cross, when the thief claimed him to be the Christ and for him to remember him when he reigns in Heaven. Jesus says (and it is this that I am holding on to – and nothing else) “TRULY I SAY TO YOU, TODAY YOU WILL BE WITH ME IN PARADISE”. That’s it, a thief that has spent his life being a horrible human makes the confession of simple faith in Christ, and he is forgiven of it all, and will be with Jesus that same night in heaven. Is that not the most beautiful statement in the bible?

I do not know what hell is like if it is a place of torment or a place of total isolation and void. I do not know if God’s Grace is huge (simple faith) or if it requires bigger acts. I believe my soul is saved; Jesus has shown me in at least 4 visions over the past two years, images that do not make me feel my soul isn’t saved. I know there’s so much more I need to do, so much more I am capable of, even if my flesh and bones t are decaying from the inside out, I have a mind, I have a heart that years for nothing more than to be welcomed at the Gates of Heaven. Nothing else matters. 

So back to this blog being named “Blessings from Cancer” – well I am going to try to find the joy in whatever time is left for me on this planet – and count these blessings.

Here is the biggest blessing I can count from having terminal cancer. I have time to make amends, find my faith and say my goodbyes. Many people will die with no warning, and they will not have the second chance that God gives to us that suffer a chronic deadly disease. So, although I will suffer longer on earth, I have the time (a gift) to get it right before death. That is a huge gift, an amazing blessing. I am so loved that the Lord is allowing me a long retirement party! It is beautiful. What I do with this gift is on me. Right now, I am only focusing on the Joy.

I started writing this last week and meant to finish it last week. However, work and my needing time to go deep with God was my priority. I hit my knees last week for the first time in many months, I prayed for me. Many of you may pray for yourselves daily, but my prayers tend to be for others. Then I had that bone scan on Thursday and for the five hours I was in the tube, I talked to God the entire time. Guess what happened…

No cancer!  I will not say that this is God directly answering my prayer, but I will say it feels like it to me. Talk about joy, to get a longer reprieve from this disease is more than a blessing, it is a gift. Now what do I do with this gift?  I told Jesus to use me! So we will see where he takes me.

Love you all!

Scriptures that inspired this post:

Jeremiah 17:14 "Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise".

Luke 6:19 "And the people all tried to touch him, because power was coming from him and healing them all".

Jeremiah 30:17 "But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the Lord". 

Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest". 

Links for help if you need it:

https://www.stephenministries.org/cancernowwhat/default.cfm/1615?mnb=1

https://www.cancerfightersthrive.com/cancer-care-ministries/

https://www.ourjourneyofhope.com/

P.S.  If you don't vote on Tuesday, November 3, 2020, than you don't have the right to complain the next four years. Vote, don't vote - that is your decision, but please respect everyone's right to vote and to have an opinion. May we all keep civility and peace in our hearts this week.