CHEMOTHERAPY - THE TRUTH

My vessels saw me through every inch of this battle! I am changed forever by their friendship and love!

On September 17, 2018 I received my final diagnosis. I was Stage IV-B (the absolute worse diagnosis). I was informed I would need months of Chemotherapy, but that they (my amazing medical team) were confident that I could reach remission (no longer curable - although my medical team is spiritual and they still use the "Cure" word).

I remember going in for my "Chemo-Counseling" and looking at all the forms I had to sign and touring the facility that would be my second home for the next few months.  I am sitting here four-months removed from my last session and I finally have it in me to tell you all the truth about chemotherapy.

1. THE DRUGS: My chemotherapy was two different types of poison (Paclitaxel and Carboplatin "Carbo Taxol"). Before chemo (the first 2 sessions) I would take 10 (that's right TEN) doses of Steroids. The Steroids were taken so that my body would have less of an allergic reaction to the poison being administered. I would be in the chemo-room (chair) from about 7:45 a.m. until about 4:00 p.m. and the day went like this:

a. Check in, get weighed (your weight determines the amount of poison you can get), get settled into your chair and have blood taken. Blood is taken to determine if you can get chemo (your liver needs to be actively working, your kidneys need to be functioning and your White Blood Count and Platelets needs to be in range to receive the poison. Your Red Blood Count needs to be normal too, but you will still get Chemotherapy even if you are severely anemic (I received 2 blood transfusions throughout the treatments). This takes about one - two hours.

b. Once labs come back and you are cleared to receive Chemotherapy - you start with your pre-meds (the medications that they hope will make the process less painful). I received IV or Oral Benedryl (again trying to prevent me from having an adverse reaction, another round of steroids, a couple of doses of anti-nausea meds and an ativan for good measure - lol). This takes up about one - two hours - and now my favorite part LUNCH (my chemo angels would always go get me lunch). In my six sessions, I tended to have salads from Wendy's, Panera, Subway and Zoes.

c. The first time I actually received the chemo drugs, I cried. I had just been prayed over by one of the Chaplains and my vision of Jesus leading me through the fire was enough to give the the strength needed to voluntarily allow someone to administer poison into my veins. The nurses who are with me all day checking vitals and talking to me, are now dressed in bio-hazard robes, masks and gloves - they can't even touch the bag holding the drug (just in case) - yet this liquid will now be in my body. One of my poisons took 1.5 hours to be administered and the other took 3 hours to be administered.

2. THE SIDE EFFECTS - one of the forms I had to sign during my chemo-counseling was an awareness and acceptance of the "possible" side effects of receiving poison. Each one of my chemotherapy drugs came with it's own set of "possible" side effects. I will forever be indebted to my chemo-nurse, Marie. She highlighted the ones that were "MOST LIKELY" to occur. Out of the over twenty possibilities here is what I had:

a. HAIR LOSS - by the third week after my first does, what was left of my hair began to just fall out. I had a party right before chemo started with my closest friends and together we cut my hair off, so that I had some control over the things happening to me. I HIGHLY SUGGEST THAT EVERY WOMAN DO THIS. If I had not cut my hair and had witnessed large clumps falling out - it would have been more devastating. I can honestly say that cancer humbled me, but chemo made me embrace the fact that being a woman is more than our hair and beauty. I wore wigs from October 2018 - first week of February 2019. If you get a wig - make sure you get a cotton wig cap, your scalp will thank you. Embrace this one time where you can literally be any color you want every day of the week. After my last chemo, about a week after, I decided I was done being ashamed of my baldness, and I just went with it - NO REGRETS. It's my battle scar. It's my warrior cry. It's me being exactly who God made me to be.  FOUR MONTHS OUT - AND I HAVE A VERY SHORT PIXIE. It does grow back. Actually, I need to shave my legs for the first time in 7 months.

b. STOMACH - I threw up, I had diarrhea, I was severely constipated. These symptoms begin about day 2 after the chemo. Of the three the worse was the constipation. It was so bad, I didn't want to eat just to not have to struggle. This side effect lasts from day two until about day seventeen (my cycles were every 21 days). You will also be extremely nauseated from day 2 through day 14. It gets better as the days go on - keep taking your nausea meds - they help. I would have a good 4 to 5 days every cycle. All I can suggest is to try the Senecot, keep your team informed and take all their recommendations - TRUST ME NOTHING YOU SAY IS SOMETHING THEY HAVEN'T HEARD.  My bowels have returned to somewhat normalcy. I occasionally still need a little help. I have found that taking a daily Pre-Biotic and Pro-Biotic have helped a lot.

c. SMELLS AND TASTES - I got to the point that the smell and taste of cinnamon made me vomit. Everything tasted like metal. Water smelled like chemicals. I once told my chemo-nurse that the only thing (in my 2 bad weeks) that I could handle was Wendy's Chili and Frosty. She laughed and said that made sense - because all our bodies can make out (remember all of your fast-multiplying cells are dying off) is the extremes HOT/COLD. So keep that in mind. I will say that there is hope. I am 4 months post-chemo and the only thing I still don't like is cinnamon. Oh yea - don't freak out if everything tastes like metal or like fish during your cycles - that is normal and does go away.

d. EARS/EYES - eyes went blurry and there was ringing in my ears. This is a common side-effect as well. My eyes are somewhat back to normal - with glasses (which I needed anyways) and unfortunately the ringing in my ear is permanent - and this is something that is explained to you during your chemo-counseling. I will see an ENT soon to see if there is any way to help with the ringing.

I have saved my most difficult side-effect for last. I feel like everything above these was manageable. I knew I could get through them. These last two - well...

e. BRAIN FOG - you have heard the phrase "Chemo Brain" - this is the state in which your memory gets a bit foggy, you get forgetful. The drugs play a huge part in your short-term memory being disrupted. I can honestly say that anything important that happened between October 2018 and NOW - well I've had to journal it to remember it. This has impacted my job and this has not been fun. I still struggle with my memory and I've been told this could take up to TWO years to get this back.

f. PAIN/NERVE - this was by far my worst side effect. The chemo gets inside your bones and bone marrow, killing off your bone marrow and cells. This causes tingling and numbness in your toes and hands. The bone pain is terrible. It's sporadic, it hurts here then there and you never do get comfortable. This pain (bone pain) lasts about 1 week post-chemo. The nerve tingling never goes away. I can say that the bone pain does get better with each session and it has completely gone away (PRAISE JESUS)...but the nerve pain is permanent. They tell you this is a possibility. You get used to it - but it's definitely a lot to get used to. TAKE YOUR SUPPLEMENTS - all calcium, magnesium, vitamin B and Claritin help with the nerve damage and bone pain.

I am able to write this now - because I crossed an important hurdle - my second clear scan. I know I am not out of the woods and I may one day have to go through this all over again - but the thing is now I know I can. I know I can suffer for a duration because at the end of the suffering is a reprieve and a since of normalcy. SO DON'T GIVE UP, DON'T SURRENDER TO THE SUFFERING - you can get through it. It is only temporary. I PROMISE!

I had a great group of friends that helped me through all of the Chemotherapy - and I'll never forget any of them or be able to thank them enough for their sacrifice and love.

Chemo One:  Mark was my chemo-buddy. He was very inquisitive and comforting.

Chemo Two: My best friend Heather came up with her mom (my second mom  growing up) and we chit-chatted and the time just flew by (it was my fastest session). I felt so much love.

Chemo Three: My friend Beverly came with me. She brought books and crafts. She entertained me like no other. She kept my mind occupied on everything other than chemo. She is the best person I know!

Chemo Four: My daughter was home for the Holidays and she accompanied me. This was hard on her and me - because she hadn't been here for the others. She was inquisitive. I love her very much - and I reminded her that I fight because of her!

Chemo Five - my best friend did this one with me (she is my only repeat).

My final chemo was the funniest and most straight-forward woman I know. I could not have concluded this journey without her. Amiee - thank you!

So you have cancer - and you need chemo - all I can say is buckle in, prepare and plan to have good days and bad days. Surround yourself with those that love you and will battle for you. But most of all - PRAY. When you are sad, pray. When you are weak, pray. When you hurt, pray. God will always be there.

April