The Redemptive Power of the Blood of Christ

I remember waking up from Surgery. My eyes blinked a few times, I saw a nurse and my doctor far off in the distance. I closed my eyes again. The nurse spoke, but I didn't really hear her words. I closed my eyes again. My doctor was now over me talking. You know in the movies when people are half awake, blinking their eyes and someone is telling them something important, some life lesson they need to know, and they only half hear it...that was me. I remember him saying I had to cut you (not part of the plan), there was a lot more than we thought, I think you might be Stage III. I am sure he said a lot more...but I didn't hear him.

I think they let me sleep a few more minutes, then they were really trying to wake me up, but telling me not to move too much. The recovery nurse informed me my family was still waiting to see me and that she was going to go tell them what room I was being moved to. I was in and out of sleep and awake states. I felt them moving my bed and I woke up to see my Aunt Aleta, Uncle John, and Pop (Ronnie) as we were all getting on the elevator together (at least I think we all got on). My Aunt will tell people that I began saying things that made no sense and that I didn't remember (hello powerful drugs). But honestly I do remember hearing a woman on the hall I was on screaming "help, help they are killing me" (turns out that was actually being said - I'd find that out the next night). And I do remember trying to crack a joke about being on the "death ward". I was trying to lighten the mood, I knew that they knew things had not gone as planned. I was scared, but trying hard not to let that show.

They stayed a couple of hours with me...and then I was alone. Those drugs were great, I got sleep, I had a pump that allowed me to hit a button to get a shot to go back to sleep, and I did this on and off from 10:00 p.m. until about 5:00 a.m. (when every nurse, every tech, etc.) comes in to the room to check this, take blood, review things. And it was at this time that I realized for the first time, I really wasn't in any pain. I actually asked to get up and walk around the hall. That wasn't easy. It's not that it was super painful (the incision and stuff) - it's that they cut your muscle in your stomach (long ways), so to sit up and to get up are very hard to do. The nurse after the walk asked me what my pain scale was, and I knew I shouldn't say 0 - lol (I just had major surgery), but compared to how I was before surgery, it felt like 0. I think I told her 2. She thought I was still drugged up, but I had stopped hitting that button around 3:00 a.m. I was on a mission to pee, poop and leave the hospital.

Between 7:00 a.m. and 8:00 a.m. all the nurses are busy looking and reading from last nights reports and transitioning shifts, so I was alone in my thoughts. I started to think about what the Doctor had said about Stage 3, the fact that my cancer, which had only been seen to be in my uterine wall, had advanced and had spread to the following organs: Ovaries, Fallopian Tubes, Cervix, Vaginal Cuff, had gone outside the womb and had wrapped itself around my Colon and Rectum. But I wasn't in pain anymore and I actually felt better, not worse. I started to think about my Aunt Mary who had died at age 43 from Colon Cancer. I started to think about my own death.

Around 8:00 a.m. this thin, meek woman walked in and introduced herself as Chaplain Marie. She asked how I was feeling and asked if she could pray with me. I started to talk to her about my thoughts of praying (which if you read this blog you know at this point I was not receptive to praying for myself), when my boss walked in. She excused herself and told me she'd check back in on me.  My boss sat with me and told me about the surgery, what the doctor had told them and his thoughts of my survival. He told me that my family members contacted my daughter and told them bad/wrong Prognosis, and that he went out into the parking lot and called Brittany and told her exactly what the doctor did, what he found and that the Doctor was still optimistic. I am very thankful to him for that.

After he left, Marie came back in. I had finally found the strength to confess to her why I was so weak at prayer, how I felt unworthy, but that I welcomed her praying for me. She said that she would pray with me, and that at any time I felt comfortable to pray out loud for my own self, to do so. She grabbed my hands and started praying. Her hands were so warm, her voice so sweet, her demeanor so loving. I don't remember what she was saying, I just remember this vision, this feeling I was having:

          - as she was praying, my mind went quiet, I was intently listening to her words, feeling the love and warmth of her presence. AND OUT OF NOWHERE - I saw my own self (my body) being washed by blood. I got really warm, felt tingly and felt accepted and loved and I spoke out loud a small prayer for myself. -

I didn't really know what to make of it at that moment, but I knew something was different. I thanked her tremendously, told her she made me feel better, and as she was leaving Pop came in and spent a good 6 hours with me, just so I wouldn't be alone.

I spent the next day and a half in the hospital. The calming presence that came over me, was enough to motivate me to get up, walk, get out of the bed and to do what I could to get well and go home. I am not going to lie and say that I was not worried about my prognosis or if I would die, I just didn't dwell on it (then).

I later would discuss what happened with a good friend that is close to God and has a lot of biblical knowledge. And that person reminded me that what I had seen was Jesus forgiving me of my sins. I tried to rebuke this (after all do any of us ever feel worthy of his love and sacrifice?) and I stated that my understanding of salvation was that the sinner had to ask for it, repent, and accept Jesus into their life/heart. The person pointed out to me, that I had been teetering for a month about my lack of worthiness and that God had heard all the conversations I had had with people during that time, and that during that time, I had never renounced him, denied him or stated my unbelief, I had only stated my unworthiness. The person stated that when the Chaplain walked into the room and asked if she could pray with me, I SAID YES AND THAT ALL GOD WAS WAITING FOR, WAS MY YES. God already knew my need, knew my heart, he just wanted my YES. The power of that blood-bath was the most powerful thing I have ever experienced in my life.

Ephesians 1:7 In him we have redemption through the blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with riches of God's grace.

Hebrews 9:14 How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!

I AM FOREVER CHANGED

God bless you all and thank you for reading.

If a you or a loved one are receiving treatment for Cancer through Bon Secours and are in need of chaplain services, here is the contacts:

Hampton Roads
https://bonsecours.com/hampton-roads/patients-and-visitors/spiritual-care

Richmond
https://bonsecours.com/richmond/community-commitment/mission-services/spiritual-care-services