Provisions

In those months when I was being stubborn about seeing a doctor, my friend Jenny became my comfort and wisdom. I leaned on her a lot for distractions, information and care. You'd never know I was the older one in our pair, she was wise and informative beyond her years.

Due to her husband's job, they moved in May, 2018, right when my pain started to get bad. I hid my pain from most everyone, but Jenny knew something was wrong with me. She was on me about getting in to see the doctor and I actually had my July appointment scheduled before she moved.

Jenny knew that my heart had been hurt bad in my marriage and in relationships. I had given up on ever meeting anyone good. Jenny was so worried that when she left, I'd be alone and no one would make me "do things" or that I'd become a hermit. She asked me to try dating one more time.

I decided I'd give myself 12 "first" dates, and if I could not meet a worthy human being within 12, then I was not meant to find anyone. So date by date, I was proven right. I remember the day that #12 contacted me on the disgusting dating app. I sent him a "thumbs-up" and he in return sent the same. He actually messaged me first and the chat was clean, light and relaxing. He asked me to meet him for dinner that night.  In my mind, I had already written him off, after all I only had to make it through dinner to close the book on dating for good....but...he made me laugh.

Turns out Mark was a keeper from date one. He was grounded, morally disciplined and had a good sense of humor. So that one date turned into quite a few more...and then two months later, CANCER.

On the day I was diagnosed I told him he could leave and I would not hold that against him, after all, he didn't sign up for a sick person when we met. But he dug his heels in and was by my side for all the testing, appointments and pre-surgery stuff.  He was working out of the country when I had my surgery, but he checked in on me all the time.

During one of those nights after surgery, my best friend, Heather, looked at me and said "he's your provision"  - that God had put him in my path right at the moment in time when I was going to need someone to carry me. Sounds crazy, because I was a very fierce independent woman and all of a sudden I was someone that needed a lot of care. She was right, because he was there for chemotherapy, he saw me in days and nights after chemotherapy (when most of my friends didn't see the mess), he was there when I needed a Frosty, because it was the only thing I could handle. He was there to buy my prescriptions when I could no longer afford them. He was there loving on me even when I could do nothing but look at him, because I had no energy.

He was there the nights when I would throw myself into the bible looking for hope, he was there when I cried for two straight weeks (telling him to leave because I was going to die), he was there at the wee hours of the morning in the emergency room (when my incision split open).

Now - before anyone says anything, I know that God was there at all of those moments too, but God put an earthly human there in my path to love me, care for me and put up with me, because God knew I was going to need to lean in on someone.

So all of you being diagnosed today, that are scared, that are alone, that are thinking how will i do this, trust in the LORD, because he has already given you your provision. Maybe you are like me and you aren't recognizing what is in front of you, but now is the time you really need to have FAITH. Trust, believe and don't let go of that...for God has always been there, ready and able to meet your needs!

Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

God bless!